What is love?

1 Corinthians 13:

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I'm not a bible nor love expert (DUH), but i think i have a much clearer idea of what love is after reading these verses.

Sometimes love isn't really that complicated... But we often forgot and lost sight of what love really should be.

Labels: beloved God, thoughts and reflection

looked up to the sky at 11/19/2007 12:51:00 AM

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

I need YOU to love me.

Dear Father,

Why, why are You still here with me?
Didn't You see what I've done?
In my shame I want to run and hide myself
But it's here I see the truth
I don't deserve You

I, I have wasted so much time
Pushing You away from me
I just never saw how You could cherish me
'Cause You're a God who has all things
And still You want me

But I need You to love me, and I
I won't keep my heart from You this time
And I'll stop this pretending that I can
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need You to love me

Your love makes me forget what I have been
Your love makes me see who I really am
Your love makes me forget what I have been

So a new chapter of my life has just begin. Okie not yet, I think i'm the only one who's still slacking at home, staying online all day. :/ Bahh. But I've been writing and sending lotsa resume and calling up countless of companies. I'm currently in the process of preparing for my next 'journey'.

What i really want ahead? I've a vague idea. I know i wanna work in H.I.M, but i hate PR position.
I want to work in recording studios, where music is born. But i'm even having problems with Dalet. *shudder*
I know i want to continue developing photos and stay as near as the photography industry. But i do not want to be a photographer... Yet.
I want to further my studies, i want to study in NTU just like Fang and May. But my GPA and financial status tell me not.

But IT'S OKIE! I'm counting on grace. I'm just praying everyday for Father's grace to navigate me through this whole new journey.

Your love makes me forget what I have been

----------------
Now playing: Barlow Girl - I Need You To Love Me
via FoxyTunes

Labels: beloved God, thoughts and reflection

looked up to the sky at 8/22/2007 01:31:00 AM

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

don't you let it pass you by.

Instead of writing a will / letter to my beloveds, i have this idea of dedicating songs to them. So far, i've already dedicated many songs to you all. But would it be foolish of me to do so knowing that you don't treasure me the same way that i do?

But it's okie, what matters is His everlasting and never ending love and light on me. :D

Sometimes i can't wait to die because i know it won't just stop there.











In other news i'm really inspired to make full use of my break time. Here i am still figuring how to organise my photos in iphotos when i have a job interview early in the morning. And i'm getting my lomo vibe back again! WOOHOO! :D:D:D


Lomo-like photos by fiq fiq. :D
(ps: dang, i hate the fact that i look constipated in every of these beautiful photos)

----------------
Now playing: Hillsong United - Never Let Me Go
via FoxyTunes

Labels: beloved God, haha hoho, photos

looked up to the sky at 8/15/2007 02:36:00 AM

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

So take my hands and we will pray, they won't take you away.

I was on my way to the bus stop to go to school.
And i had Casting Crown's Who I Am playing through my Ipod when i feel this... Really strange amazing feeling.
I was really touched with the song and giving thanks to God silently when...
A sudden soft breeze just blew past me, and when i looked up into the sky; the warm sunshine and fluffy clouds, along with the music through my ears...

It feels as if God is reminding me that he's with me. :)

I told myself, i must immediately blog about this once i reached the office. But i neglected the moment i reached and quickly distracted by other stuffs.

It just got me thinking how distracted i am by those little trivial unworthy stuffs that makes me fume or nag like mad.

When i could have spend that time with my beloveds, especially Kai, or easily dedicate blog entry to my beloveds.

What am i thinking?
Sometimes i feel so blinded... But not for long, i know.

Life aren't that bad actually... I think.

Labels: beloved God, thoughts and reflection

looked up to the sky at 7/04/2007 12:09:00 AM

Monday, April 30, 2007

You alone are God.

Life has been moving really fast these days for me.

Attachment, website, meet up with my beloveds, photojourn, and the cycle goes on.

There's so much that i want to document about, but looking at the tons of work awaiting me... *looks back*

Think i better do it another time ar.

Sure there's are lotsa downs, but i'm grateful to have a fair share of ups from my beloveds and heavenly God.

God.

The center of my universe. My saviour. Jesus.

I'm Yours.

Labels: beloved God

looked up to the sky at 4/30/2007 01:52:00 AM

Sunday, April 22, 2007

A song that we all need, desperately...

There must be more than this,
O breath of God come breathe within,
There must be more than this,
Spirit of God we wait for You.

Fill us anew we pray,
Fill us anew we pray.

Consuming fire fan into flame,
A passion for Your Name,
Spirit of God fall in this place,
Lord have Your way,
Lord have Your way with us,

Come like a rushing wind,
Clothe us with power from on high,
Now set the captives free,
Leave us abandoned to Your praise.

Lord let Your glory fall,
Lord let Your glory fall.

Stir it up in our hearts Lord,
Stir it up in our hearts Lord,
Stir it up in our hearts Lord,

A passion for Your Name.


I seriously can't emphasize enough how bad this whole week has been for me... And the people around me.

I'm sorry, but i wish you're sorry too.
I wish you could bloody hell see,
I wish you could bloody hell know how much you've asked of me, but not the same for the others.
I wish, you're treat me better, or at the least, equal.
I wish, that all these shit will be over soon... For all of us.

Fill us anew i prayed desperately my lord.... Please...

Labels: beloved God, emo

looked up to the sky at 4/22/2007 03:21:00 AM

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

I'll meet you here in the light You call 'Surrender'.

I've never ever fell so so ill that i can't even get up to get myself a cup of plain water last week. I don't know about the others, but the previous week has never felt this physically helpless. It doesn't really help to fall sick when work's piling at its highest peak... But praise my Lord, for providing help and care from JS, Geraldine, my dear family and of cause... Kai.

Had a great weekend with my beloveds (Tous, Js, Seamus and Kai) had Yan's house even though i didn't get to play at all and had to constantly reminded to keep my eyes on work (thanks ar). But you know what? I'm so glad that i got to do work, eat 'good' food and nurse my health back in the company with the people i love so much.

This week came along and started shitty-ly again.

But just when i was about to cry and curse and emo for how things had turned out, God sent the company of my primary school friends for Yongtak's 20th birthday and made me laugh sooooo much that i seriously want to puke!

*wink at ah tak* Hey my dear Tak i really hope you had a wonderful birthday celebration with us!

I confess my hope
In the light of Your salvation
Where I lose myself I will find
You’re all I need

Sing my soul
Of the Saviour’s love
Sing my soul
Unto God alone

You alone are God
We declare the glory of Your name

Yes the very cry of my soul, actually bring me smiles from the heart again. You never fail to make me cried and touched whenever i listen to this song. How much can i emphasis my gratitude and love for your grace, my dearest Lord?

Reign in all the earth Jesus

Give my strength and the wisdom my dear Jesus...

And FUCK OFF devil, because for all the shit and misconeption you bring, it's only tempoary. You've already lost everything.

*Yan, i'll pray that everything will be okie for you too*

Labels: beloved God, haha hoho

looked up to the sky at 4/18/2007 04:32:00 AM

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Eyes on Jesus

Hebrews 12:2
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Had quite a bad day with things going haywiring wrong. And my stomach just doesn't seem to get any better. I really pray that it's not anxious-ness and all.

Everything's gonna be okie. :) GIVE ME FAITH AND POSITIVE THINKING YO!

Labels: beloved God

looked up to the sky at 4/03/2007 10:21:00 PM

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

prosecution.

The 'prosecution' has finally begin.

For the 1st time of my life, i'm driven to do spring cleaning for CNY and devoted myself to do spring cleaning for 3 days. My pa's been nagging for days about us neglecting the household, so i really wish he'll be proud of me.

CNY evening, the cleaning's finally done. We just have to sit back and enjoy the new year. But Satan, the scheming devil just have to make my pa spot my cross necklace and question my religion.

I've been trying to prepare myself for this day, but never have i expect it to come on that day. i admitted, and my pa took it very badly. He became extremely hostile the entire 2 day and was blinded by Satan's malice.

I couldn't take it either. I can't bear to deny my Father above, i can't bear to deny my saviour who's been there for me all the time. Even if i could lie, how long can i hide? Just how long? Why? Why must it come at such a time? With all my hard work wasted. i know my pa loves me, but why? Why did he curse and turn me away? Am i such a bad daughter?

I couldn't control my tears when i was at my granny house and cried. My pa got angrier and scolded both Ab and i. I kept praying, praying for a solution, praying for the angels to calm my pa down.

Many of my relatives helped. My christian aunt came into the room and tell me of the 'prosecution' period that she and my another aunt have went through. She cried and i couldn't help and cried again.

After awhile all of us calmed down and the situation got better. Nonetheless there's this huge gap between my pa and i now.

As i'm reading my daily devotionals which i've been neglecting for days now, i realised my Father has actually been preparing me for it.

Romans 8:38-39
I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither present nor the future, nor powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is ours in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:35-37
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

1 John 4:10
This is love: not that we loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

My aunt said that i oughta prepare myself for this route when i've decided on my religion for it's going to be a harsh one, or at least in my family. This route... filled with malice and threats from Satan, is my route to my beloved Father. Please my lord, i beg for your grace, love and spirit... Be with me always.

i can't help but feel so hurt looking at the damages between me and my pa now. I just pray that my pa would understand how much i look up and love him...

Labels: beloved God, festival

looked up to the sky at 2/20/2007 02:15:00 AM

Sunday, February 4, 2007

Praise You in this storm

There' so much things i wanna talk about - the end of my year 3 1st semester, my new phone (plus burden) and all.

But this blog will be dedicated to kai and my 1st traffic accident.

I kinda knew that the possibility of us getting into an accident is higher than the other, but never will i expect it to be yesterday, right after i bought my new phone and line, and were on our way to Changi for dinner.

Then suddenly out came this car into our lane and we just drive straight into the back of the car and fell.

And to think that i was at J8 where Yan and May worked and eating their free new year goodies sample.

Couldn't really remember if i scream or what. My mind was shouting out "what should i so", "my will my papa react" and 'will the lorry behind us stop before it run over me".

But i could remember how my skin brushed through the rough surface of the road as i fell.

As i stood up, my bones are aching, there was some blood on my knees and hands. When i finally realised what has happened, i quickly turn my attention to Kai. He has more wounds and blood on him than me, and he could hardly stand up.

But thank you, my lord, for saving our lives, for letting us live with a few abrasions, and nothing more than that.

And for letting Kai to be alright,
for letting my father to be so understanding,
for having such caring friends (Tous and Yuensheng)
and for letting my new phone to spare!

i couldn't be more grateful than anything, i'm not sure if i'm shaken or touched, but just couldn't stop the tears flowing from my face at that time.

All in all, had my 1st accident and my 1st ride to the hospital in ambulance. Hmm the ambulance was very messy though. Lol!

But really, thank you my father, you keep us safe once again.

Labels: beloved God, emo

looked up to the sky at 2/04/2007 11:40:00 PM

Thursday, February 1, 2007

Daddy here i am.

I once was lost, but now I’m found
I once was lost, but now I’m found

So far away, but I’m home now
I once was lost, but now I’m found

And my lifesong sings

I once was blind, but now I see
I once was blind, but now I see
I don’t know how, but when He touched me

I once was blind, but now I see

And now my lifesong sings
And now my lifesong sings
And now my lifesong sings

I once was dead, but now I live
I once was dead, but now I live

Now my life to You I give
Now my life to You I give
Now my life to You I give

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Let my lifesong sing to You

And my lifesong sings - Casting Crowns

So many songs have touched my heart, but this is exactly how i feel towards You, my Father.
Tears filled my eyes, You found me back again. Take my hands... Guide me with your love and grace. Nobody love me like you do.
And i dedicate myself wholeheartedly, to You. :)

Labels: beloved God

looked up to the sky at 2/01/2007 05:17:00 AM

Thursday, January 11, 2007

20th life

It's been awhile since i've updated this space again... :/


Ab said i looked like the monster in "The Host".

Just a couple of photos to show how 'deformed' my mouth look like to start it off. HAHA

Dang. i'm in the big two already. dang dang dang.

Had a blessed and wonderful birthday with every of the people i love this year. And the gifts!! Heh heh heh. But i'm sorry that i've overdid the 'hints'. Sorry i'm so shameless this year. :/

Gotten my very 1st 20th birthday present from Kai - a fisheye! I'm so thrilled and couldn't stop playing with it once i gotten it! So sorry for spoiling the surprise too Kai but it's really too good to be true! ^^^^^^^^^^^^

Birthday celebration started on sunday with the May and Yan coming to my house in advance to wake me up for our kbox appointment. Heh my resolution of 'trying not to let the wait to be more than 15mins' didn't exactly go very well. But thank u so much for the 2 blue topshop tops that must have cost you guys a bomb!

Two mega candles from now on.



Love you Fang May Yan!^^^^

Had a not very tasteful but peaceful dinner with my family at fortunate restaturant and my cousin delivered me my 3rd present - a green adidas bag! Heh heh heh finally i own an original adidas apart from my fake green adidas jacket. ^^

My cute aunties and granny your highness.

Met up with Kai and thank you for the beautiful scenary at seletar reservior and fireworks surprise at the stroke of 12am. :D


Off to school the next day and finally get it over and done with both IS presentation. Then it's finally dinner with the 6e gang.


Kai and me in my supposedly blue black hair.

Hammy Yuting and me

Kai Nasheng Tak Tak.

Gotten my 1st roll of fisheye - didn't turn out very well but was good attempt i supposed! Cafe cartel was kinda bad because of its service and we went over to Esplanade for the cake.



Us in model-like pose. lol i look damn fugly

All of us at Esplanade


my deformed mouth at work again

Us again

Thank you for the wonderful card made by Yuting, the earring made by Yongtak, the eyeliner that you guys know i needed, and last but not least... the dress that i heavily hinted on. HAHAHAHA

Seriously... Thank you so much for this wonderful birthday celebration. I know i've been having mood swings, snapping at people *bow at kai especially* and harping on wanting to be alone for birthday. I'm so sorry that you guys didn't give up on me and still giving me the best of what you guys can give. It's really been a tough year and so much have changed that sometimes i'm still kinda in shock and not sure what my next step is. Thank you so much my dears for remembering and making it special.
I'm so thankful for you all. :D

And thank you God, for my 20th birthday to be so blissful. Thank God for surrounding me with so many precious dears. I just want to be a woman of your light, grace and love. Light of the World guide my path, i'll go anywhere you go. :D Creator of the world, i am yours.

Still can't believe that i'm 20 already. Dang.

Labels: beloved God, heipi birthday, photos

looked up to the sky at 1/11/2007 01:28:00 AM

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

I am because of who You are.

As the year's coming to an end... I'm feeling so depressed.
Almost this entire week i've been throwing tempers, getting angry over the slighest things, snapped at people... blah blah and other ugly stuffs that i've lost count already.

Especially sorry to the people i've snapped at... Namely Kai, Yan, Fang, my family... And beloved God...

It's like a-magnified-isabel's-flaw programme, a pre 20th-crisis. I feel so condemned again.

As i looked back at my almost 20th year on earth..
What have i achieved?
Who am i? I don't know.
What have i done to add joy to this world?
I know i heard my 'mother'complaining to annabel on the phone just now.
I know my father snapped at me on the phone.
I don't know what my father and friends want for christmas this year anymore...

All i know is what i want. I can hardly recongise myself... This materialistic me.

Even for my prayers... My only communication with God feels so ugly.
All i could pray is for everything to go smoothly for me and the people around me.
What happen to God? What happen to Jesus? He gave his love unconditionally to me, he DIED for me!
For mere loser me!

So who am i to talk about that bloody dress that i want? That nice christmas and birthday that i want? WHO?

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

I feel so disconnected... So depressed... So condemned... So self-centered... So ugly.

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
- Casting crowns, Who am I.

Forgive me father, i'll do anything to get close to you again.
Damn the devil, he's nothing compared to you my Lord.
Save my soul, cleanse my heart please.

Labels: beloved God, thoughts and reflection

looked up to the sky at 12/20/2006 01:33:00 AM

Friday, December 15, 2006

Look to my best lovers, Jesus and Father.

As I look into the sky above
Wonder how my life has changed
Wonder how Your love, it came to me
As I look into the sky above
All my fears, so far away
All I hear is heaven calling me

- Look to you, Hillsong United.

It's been such a busy week!
Monday and tuesday was dedicated to radio drama with lydia, zhixin and kening.
Went over to ly's house and had a great dinner of boneless chicken rice and best of all... ramily burger! Bumped into khalis too! But he couldn't recongise me at 1st sight. Wow it's really shocking how long we've already left beatty...

Stayed over in school the next day for the 1st time of my 3 years in Ngee Ann. And in the midst of rushing our radio drama, we decided to take a break and take photos in the extremely dark and empty school campus!

I think we have never felt so zombified in our whole life... And there i was emo-ing again. Thank God for the wonderful groupmates i have and kai for waiting up with me and fetching me the next morning.

Later that evening, went over to the church's youth camp at sentosa. Was so inspired just with the mass praying; how everybody love our Father so much, and how great He is for us. :) The dinner and concert *wink at kai* was full of surprises that really touched me.

Ahh for i wish i could attend church every week... So full of grace, i am, my Lord, because you love us so much, and you died for me before i knew you... :)

Finally... Today marks the last day of school before the Christmas break. So heipi! And i'm gonna be meeting my dearest Tous at fang's house for steamboat!
And i'm so glad that Yan has passed her driving test! Yay we're gonna have a 'driver' now! And i'm so glad to keep in touch with dear Singwei over at China!

Yay yay yay!
Okie gotta go get ready for class at 1pm. LOL.

So full of grace and love... All because of you my Lord. :)

Labels: beloved God

looked up to the sky at 12/15/2006 11:57:00 AM

Thursday, November 30, 2006

I know you're waiting for me at the end of the tunnel, Jesus...

我不知不觉 又徘徊在从前
秋风悄悄的呼唤 听来尽是孤单
落叶的期盼 片片左右为难
心走寂寞攀 跟著飘进黑暗

我不闻不问 也许好过一点
被遗憾关在房间 挣扎只是拖延
无望的空谈 一声声的轻叹
回忆扯不断 怎麼摆脱纠缠

Finally done with radio's DAB slideshow presetation & feature assignment 1. It really feel so good, especially knowing my God has provided me trust and that never-ending grace to save us from pitfalls.

You love me so much father... Your unconditional love and grace, even she couldn't even understand that simple love.

You were there; when i cried, when i'm stressing over stuffs, when i stood at the edge of my depression. My gratitude and love for you, how could it ever be expressed?

Despite the certain 'downs' in my life, i'm really content with what i have now.

But sometimes, i'm still unsure of who i am.

Sometimes i feel considerate but yet so irresponsible.
Sometimes i feel so blessed yet empty.
Sometimes i'm disappointed but so thankful that all is not lost.
Sometimes i feel so driven but yet so unproductive and inefficient.

And many a times i wish you didn't leave and things wouldn't be this way...

找不到方向 往彩虹天堂
有你说的爱 在用幸福触摸忧伤
两个人 相守直到白发苍苍 自由的飞翔 在灿烂的星光


找不到方向...? Don't let go... Please?


Note to self: PLEASE STOP SKIPPING CLASS AND OVER SLEEP. *slap myself*

Labels: beloved God

looked up to the sky at 11/30/2006 12:11:00 AM

Monday, November 27, 2006

Take me deeper into your heart, Lord.

I really shouldn't blog now, seeing that i have class at 1pm, my feature story 1's due in another 6 hours and i have no interviewee for my story.

Haha. Too numb and empty to be sad now. Don't have the time to mourn anyway. but deep inside me i know my God wants me to stay calm and trust him. :)

It's always at times like this i really wish things wouldn't be this way.

When i have breaks and i don't know who to spend with when people just go away in their cliques.

When it comes to groupwork and all i can do is to wait and not very sure what's going on.

When i really wish to talk or hang out with my friends and there's somthing holding me back and telling me that they're not interested.

When i put in so much efforts but satan just keep damning me.

When i've did so so much for you but you don't even recongise my existance.

When you delete me away...

When i've try so hard to reach out to you, you know it, but you just think i'm not good enough.

When everything goes wrong and it affects my mood and the people around me.

Hai... I really know i'm blessed.
Blessed with my wonderful friends like the Tous.
Blessed with Kai.
Blessed with my Pa and Ab who came for me 1st when it happened.
Blessed with my most highest father above for keeping me calm.

But I wish that i could be more mature, to balance my God, personal life and studies more effciently.
I just wish for a more enjoyable experience in mass comm.
I just wish to be appreciated and cared in school.
I just wish i could show you the best of me, instead of this ugly me...

Labels: beloved God, emo

looked up to the sky at 11/27/2006 11:28:00 AM

Au revoir

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