Monday, July 23, 2007
When people see her they'll smile, not take advantage or use her as a punching bag..
I tried to be contented and happy with i have.
But sometimes it's really kinda hard when people (you love) just tend to frown only at you.
I believe, i really believe that i'm not as bad to be receiving these treatments from you guys. And i know He believe in me too.
But right now, I'm just very tired... Really. But still gotta hang on...
Somehwere over the rainbow?
The girl whom i dream to be would be bubbly and kind, quiet yet warm and friendly. This girl would be contented with what she has and will always be optimistic and faithful. She'll also be always smiling. When people see her they would have the image of a chocolate muffin in mind...
I tried to be contented and happy with i have.
But sometimes it's really kinda hard when people (you love) just tend to frown only at you.
I believe, i really believe that i'm not as bad to be receiving these treatments from you guys. And i know He believe in me too.
But right now, I'm just very tired... Really. But still gotta hang on...
Labels: emo
looked up to the sky at 7/23/2007 11:24:00 PM
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Everything went pretty smooth, though i wish i was carrying a DSLR instead of mickey. :/ There's still so much to learn to be a good photographer. Arrr.
But overall, I think we've really raised the standards so much higher and i'm really proud to be part of the team. :) Woohoo!
Timeline:
I'm counting down, even though i don't really wanna leave my attachment.
2 more weeks to go.
And 6 more hours to meeting Kai.
Heipi 9th month darling. :D *hug tight*
Dance inside.
Radio Heatwave's biggest event, Twenty-Oh-Seven has finally come and go.
Everything went pretty smooth, though i wish i was carrying a DSLR instead of mickey. :/ There's still so much to learn to be a good photographer. Arrr.
But overall, I think we've really raised the standards so much higher and i'm really proud to be part of the team. :) Woohoo!
Timeline:
I'm counting down, even though i don't really wanna leave my attachment.
2 more weeks to go.
And 6 more hours to meeting Kai.
Heipi 9th month darling. :D *hug tight*
Labels: haha hoho, thoughts and reflection
looked up to the sky at 7/21/2007 02:14:00 AM
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Is there a hate/irritate isabel day?
Why does everyone just love to criticise, vent anger or disturb me, even though it isn't my fault?
Be it at home, at work or even with my very own friends.
Where is the peace?
God.... Is it me? If so just point it out, i'll try my best to change it.
But if it's your little mood swing routine then can you please fucking stop it because i'm you're causing my mood swing too, damn it.
Why does everybody have to do this to me? Are you trying to tell me how insignificant i am?
I really don't understand... It's making me so suicidal.
I blasted my Christian songs through my earphones, and i started reading the secrets in post secret sg...
1 of them said:
There are days that i wanna die so that i can see who comes to my funeral.
Then I'd know those are the people who really truly love me.
And then they'll know how much they'll miss me.
Now, I'm nobody to anybody in the whole world.
I was feeling relief and heartache-y when i saw that. Because finally... Somebody feel that way too.
Only difference is even if my whole world collapse, i'm still a somebody to God. I hope.
I gotta admit to habour such thoughts, not sparing a thought for the people who truly care or love.
But then again. Who started it 1st...?
I miss kai so much.
Do you want forgiveness?
I really don't understand...
Why does everyone just love to criticise, vent anger or disturb me, even though it isn't my fault?
Be it at home, at work or even with my very own friends.
Where is the peace?
God.... Is it me? If so just point it out, i'll try my best to change it.
Why does everybody have to do this to me? Are you trying to tell me how insignificant i am?
I really don't understand... It's making me so suicidal.
I blasted my Christian songs through my earphones, and i started reading the secrets in post secret sg...
1 of them said:
There are days that i wanna die so that i can see who comes to my funeral.
Then I'd know those are the people who really truly love me.
And then they'll know how much they'll miss me.
Now, I'm nobody to anybody in the whole world.
I was feeling relief and heartache-y when i saw that. Because finally... Somebody feel that way too.
Only difference is even if my whole world collapse, i'm still a somebody to God. I hope.
Oh yes, I know this tension that you speak of
We're in the palm of a hand making a fist
It'd be best for one of us to speak up
But we prefer to pretend it does not exist
And you can't see past the blood on my hands
To see that you've been aptly damned
To fail and fail again
Cause we're all guilty of the same things
We think the thoughts whether or not we see them through
And I know that I have been forgiven
And I just hope you can forgive me too
So don't you dare blame me for
Prying open the door
Let's unleash the bitterness
That's here in the midst of this
Sometimes we live for no one but ourselves
And what we've been striving for
Has turned into nothing more
Than bodies limp on the floor
Victims of falling short
We kiss goodbye the cheek of our true love
Relient K - Forgiven.
I gotta admit to habour such thoughts, not sparing a thought for the people who truly care or love.
But then again. Who started it 1st...?
I miss kai so much.
Labels: emo
looked up to the sky at 7/18/2007 11:43:00 PM
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
纯真
It's 2:04am and i can't wait.
- I can't wait to watch Harry Potter with Geraldine tomorrow.
- I can't wait to own my very own abercrombie and fitch polo teee!!!
- I can't wait to develop my last roll of film for photojourn.
- I can't wait to see Kai again after 2 weeks of separation.
- I can't wait to finish my 3 years in Ngee Ann even though this's my most enjoyable semester i ever had across the 3 years.
- I can't wait to find my dream part time job and earn money for the taiwan trip!
- I can't wait to plan the taiwan trip with Kai.
- I can't wait to get my very own Nintendo DS and Nintendo dog!
- I can't wait to go to the beach with Tous and Js and Seamus, and of cause, Kai again.
- I can't wait to explore taiwan with my old trusty Mickey and Moo.
- I can't wait to own another lomo camera!!! Perhaps Supersampler or Smena! Heh heh.
- I can't wait to attend my long awaited graduation with the attendance of my Pa, Kai, Tous. I think i'll probably cry.
- I can't wait to take lotsa photos in my graduation robe.
- I can't wait to attend church again....
Labels: haha hoho, thoughts and reflection
looked up to the sky at 7/17/2007 02:01:00 AM
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Just 3 more weeks and i'll be officially finishing my 3 years of studies in Ngee Ann Poly.
To be honest i'm feeling kinda confused.
Part of me is pretty relieved that i actually manage to handle the screw up time table and modules, and horrible politics. It has been a 3 years of terror for me... And i'll never be the same again. But I would still have graduate on time, if not for the deferment. :D
But part of me is not ready to leave school and enter the working world yet. Seeing that the chances of me entering local university is like.. 1%.
I know my dream jobs. Heh heh.
But i'm not very sure if i can reach to it.
Anyway... I attended my Beatty chinese orchestra conductor's funeral last night and met up with some of my CO mates again. It feels kinda weird but sad to have meet again, but at a funeral.
He looked really tiny... But peaceful.
It's really good to know that he's not gone, but in the hands of God.
After weeks of shooting cemeteries for my photo journalism project, i really love the peacefulness of Christian cemetery as compared to the others.
A poem on a tomb that goes something like this will tell you why:
Weep no more my children, For i am not dead
But only resting here.
For i am not gone, but only lent, and i must now go back.
It then hit me that i shouldn't be afraid of death. For God will be waiting, and welcoming me.
Separation is only temporary, we will meet again... In the land of eternity, where there will be no sadness or pain. Only God and heipiness. :)
Farewell and see you soon, dear Mr Yang Pei Xian.
In his precious name.
3 more weeks.
Just 3 more weeks and i'll be officially finishing my 3 years of studies in Ngee Ann Poly.
To be honest i'm feeling kinda confused.
Part of me is pretty relieved that i actually manage to handle the screw up time table and modules, and horrible politics. It has been a 3 years of terror for me... And i'll never be the same again. But I would still have graduate on time, if not for the deferment. :D
But part of me is not ready to leave school and enter the working world yet. Seeing that the chances of me entering local university is like.. 1%.
I know my dream jobs. Heh heh.
But i'm not very sure if i can reach to it.
Anyway... I attended my Beatty chinese orchestra conductor's funeral last night and met up with some of my CO mates again. It feels kinda weird but sad to have meet again, but at a funeral.
He looked really tiny... But peaceful.
It's really good to know that he's not gone, but in the hands of God.
After weeks of shooting cemeteries for my photo journalism project, i really love the peacefulness of Christian cemetery as compared to the others.
A poem on a tomb that goes something like this will tell you why:
Weep no more my children, For i am not dead
But only resting here.
For i am not gone, but only lent, and i must now go back.
It then hit me that i shouldn't be afraid of death. For God will be waiting, and welcoming me.
Separation is only temporary, we will meet again... In the land of eternity, where there will be no sadness or pain. Only God and heipiness. :)
Farewell and see you soon, dear Mr Yang Pei Xian.
Labels: photos, thoughts and reflection
looked up to the sky at 7/14/2007 01:23:00 PM
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Feels really weird, but no heartache.
Thank you God, i know you answered my prayers today... :)
Now where is a cow you need it.
If the world is how it should be, maybe i can get some sleep.
I just realised how small Singapore is and i've actually seen people way before i actually know them.
Feels really weird, but no heartache.
Thank you God, i know you answered my prayers today... :)
Now where is a cow you need it.
Labels: thoughts and reflection
looked up to the sky at 7/11/2007 01:25:00 AM
I'm not sure why, but i'm just easily discouraged and depressed these days. But others see it as over-sensitivity.
To be honest i really hate that term... I really think we all have moments like that... Or is it me?
I was really scared, because half of me didn't know why am i being so annoying, and half of me is really afraid that my depression is back again.
I don't want to lose what i did in the past, especially my love ones and myself.
But it was until today then i realised how impatient the people around me are towards such situation. And it's really making me even sadder.
They wouldn't ask what happen, they wouldn't really understand.
Why am i the one who's worried if my depression will affect others when they were the one who affected me?
Sometimes i really wish i couldn't care much about them, just like how they did to me. And even if they give a hoot, it's insensitive stuffs.
But as much as we weren't that close, i didn't want to lose that friendships either. So in the end i apologise again.
But usually when they get mad or depress they just do whatever they want and said the meanest things without saying sorry, as if it has never happen before.
It make me feel really very sad and discouraged... Because i know if even i have problems, or worst if my depression's back... They will never be there for me. In fact they are the ones to steer away.
After months of working together... I kinda hoped for this relationships to last.
Why am i the only one who feel this way...?
Is it me? Am i the only one blinded?
The good thing is, the ones who were there for me, namely Tous, is still there...
But i'm still so sad and the only way is to keep praying...
It's been awhile, but my mood swing/ depression is back to haunt me again lately...
I'm not sure why, but i'm just easily discouraged and depressed these days. But others see it as over-sensitivity.
To be honest i really hate that term... I really think we all have moments like that... Or is it me?
I was really scared, because half of me didn't know why am i being so annoying, and half of me is really afraid that my depression is back again.
I don't want to lose what i did in the past, especially my love ones and myself.
But it was until today then i realised how impatient the people around me are towards such situation. And it's really making me even sadder.
They wouldn't ask what happen, they wouldn't really understand.
Why am i the one who's worried if my depression will affect others when they were the one who affected me?
Sometimes i really wish i couldn't care much about them, just like how they did to me. And even if they give a hoot, it's insensitive stuffs.
But as much as we weren't that close, i didn't want to lose that friendships either. So in the end i apologise again.
But usually when they get mad or depress they just do whatever they want and said the meanest things without saying sorry, as if it has never happen before.
It make me feel really very sad and discouraged... Because i know if even i have problems, or worst if my depression's back... They will never be there for me. In fact they are the ones to steer away.
After months of working together... I kinda hoped for this relationships to last.
Why am i the only one who feel this way...?
Is it me? Am i the only one blinded?
The good thing is, the ones who were there for me, namely Tous, is still there...
But i'm still so sad and the only way is to keep praying...
Labels: emo
looked up to the sky at 7/11/2007 12:25:00 AM
Thursday, July 5, 2007
I want...
Oh my God, oh my God...
Am i asking too much my dear God?
oh my God...
I want...
- those polo tees, camis and shorts from Abercrombie and Fitch.
- more cardigans.
- more tube tops for the summer.
- a nice handbag
- a good and fancy planner.
- to rebond and highlight my hair blue.
- longer days so i can shoot for my assignment after school.
- more money to survive the week more comfortably.
- stop eating and spending so much.
- to stop getting distracted over things that aren't meant to be.
- to find myself through my photos.
- to determine the path i want to take after this semester.
- to smile more so i might cheer the people around me up.
- remind myself to always give in my best efforts, especially for this last month.
- to appreciate this precious life that was given so affectionately from dear Jesus.
Oh my God, oh my God...
Am i asking too much my dear God?
Labels: photos, thoughts and reflection
looked up to the sky at 7/05/2007 12:22:00 AM
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
And i had Casting Crown's Who I Am playing through my Ipod when i feel this... Really strange amazing feeling.
I was really touched with the song and giving thanks to God silently when...
A sudden soft breeze just blew past me, and when i looked up into the sky; the warm sunshine and fluffy clouds, along with the music through my ears...
It feels as if God is reminding me that he's with me. :)
I told myself, i must immediately blog about this once i reached the office. But i neglected the moment i reached and quickly distracted by other stuffs.
It just got me thinking how distracted i am by those little trivial unworthy stuffs that makes me fume or nag like mad.
When i could have spend that time with my beloveds, especially Kai, or easily dedicate blog entry to my beloveds.
What am i thinking?
Sometimes i feel so blinded... But not for long, i know.
Life aren't that bad actually... I think.
So take my hands and we will pray, they won't take you away.
I was on my way to the bus stop to go to school.
And i had Casting Crown's Who I Am playing through my Ipod when i feel this... Really strange amazing feeling.
I was really touched with the song and giving thanks to God silently when...
A sudden soft breeze just blew past me, and when i looked up into the sky; the warm sunshine and fluffy clouds, along with the music through my ears...
It feels as if God is reminding me that he's with me. :)
I told myself, i must immediately blog about this once i reached the office. But i neglected the moment i reached and quickly distracted by other stuffs.
It just got me thinking how distracted i am by those little trivial unworthy stuffs that makes me fume or nag like mad.
When i could have spend that time with my beloveds, especially Kai, or easily dedicate blog entry to my beloveds.
What am i thinking?
Sometimes i feel so blinded... But not for long, i know.
Life aren't that bad actually... I think.
Labels: beloved God, thoughts and reflection
Au revoir
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