Monday, December 31, 2007
Where did time go to?
It feels like yesterday that i'm anticipating for Christmas and poof... It's gone.
Usually i'll be putting up my Christmas and birthday wishlist and give my dear Tous a major hint on what i want.
Perhaps because i've started working and could sometimes splurge abit on whatever i want, i can't really come up with a wishlist this year.
Or perhaps because whatever i want can't be bought with money...
Just feeling abit jaded sometimes, because i can't even have the simple pleasure of life such as having lasting friendships from the people i care so so much, or expressing myself well at work, or getting along well with people, or just having Christmas or birthday celebration the way i've always imagined it.
And poof, my 21st birthday's approaching and i still feel like i've yet to grow up.
I need more time!!!
I'm not trying to complain or blame anyone, honestly, all i'm trying to do is wonder about the outcome and what can i do about it because i'm downright disappointed, if you can see!
I hate to do this but, i really need to declare that whatever written on my blog are purely my thoughts and feelings, and they're never meant to be used as a weapon to insult or make anyone feel guilty. This's my hiding space and in case you didn't know hardly anyone know about the existance of my blog... So please can we not jump into conclusion and just pray for peace? And i'm not pointing at anyone ya? *peace*
God will you please guide me?
Anyway... here's a self-reflection for myself for the year of 2007:
In a few hours time i'll be spending my countdown at Jurong IMM working for a Fahrenheit event so feel free to drop by if you've nothing on ya?
Heipi 2008 everyone, and i really pray for a bless year ahead...
of imgainary streamers, poppers, firework...
i still can't believe that 2008 will be arriving in less than 24 hours.
Where did time go to?
It feels like yesterday that i'm anticipating for Christmas and poof... It's gone.
Usually i'll be putting up my Christmas and birthday wishlist and give my dear Tous a major hint on what i want.
Perhaps because i've started working and could sometimes splurge abit on whatever i want, i can't really come up with a wishlist this year.
Or perhaps because whatever i want can't be bought with money...
Just feeling abit jaded sometimes, because i can't even have the simple pleasure of life such as having lasting friendships from the people i care so so much, or expressing myself well at work, or getting along well with people, or just having Christmas or birthday celebration the way i've always imagined it.
And poof, my 21st birthday's approaching and i still feel like i've yet to grow up.
I need more time!!!
I'm not trying to complain or blame anyone, honestly, all i'm trying to do is wonder about the outcome and what can i do about it because i'm downright disappointed, if you can see!
I hate to do this but, i really need to declare that whatever written on my blog are purely my thoughts and feelings, and they're never meant to be used as a weapon to insult or make anyone feel guilty. This's my hiding space and in case you didn't know hardly anyone know about the existance of my blog... So please can we not jump into conclusion and just pray for peace? And i'm not pointing at anyone ya? *peace*
God will you please guide me?
Anyway... here's a self-reflection for myself for the year of 2007:
- Gotten my very first lomo fisheye camera, Moo, from Kai for my 20th birthday and spend almost 1/4 of my money on films and developing cost. -_-
- Gotten into a bike accident with Kai that almost scare me shitless.
- Had my very 1st 'prosecution' and the worst CNY ever.
- Kai enlisted to NS.
- Lost and found friendships... And one was lost again.
- Took up photo journalism, spend almost every weekend visiting cemeteries and was utterly stressed up with my photos and Charlie, but was pretty satisfied by the final outcome. Hee.
- Joined Heatwave for attachment, had the best time in Ngee Ann and better web design skills.
- Got rid of my old lappy and gotten myself a new black macbook! Which also leave me in debt with my pa now.
- Finally completed my 3 years of course in Ngee Ann!
- Dearest Fang and May enrolled to NTU and had a great time staying over in their hostel.
- Which leave me really clueless about my future studying plan because i don't think i can ever got into NTU and there's no way i can go for oversea study...
- Gotten my 'dream job', and there's still a long tedious way to go...
- Don't mean to boast... But meeting Fahrenheit, Tank and Xing Guang 4 Shao in person is really... speechless!
- Friendships that has grown up with me since young, started to fall apart...
- Feeling kinda lost, and distance... especially to God.
- Gotten my 2nd lomo baby, Mee the green supersampler! wahahaha.
- At the end of the year, i'm still pretty glad to have my beloved Tous and Kai by my side always...
In a few hours time i'll be spending my countdown at Jurong IMM working for a Fahrenheit event so feel free to drop by if you've nothing on ya?
Heipi 2008 everyone, and i really pray for a bless year ahead...
Labels: thoughts and reflection
looked up to the sky at 12/31/2007 12:50:00 AM
Sunday, December 23, 2007
All my life, i've tried to be the best person i can. (or at the very least i feel that i've tried)
I don't really approve people making endless fun of someone over the slightest things because someone did that to me and i seriously hate it.
I don't approve this and that.
Because i've always tried my very best to put myself into their shoes, and the end conclusion is,
i disapprove because i wouldn't want someone else to treat me the same too.
I can say that i've treated all my friends with my best sincerity.
But at the end of the day, it all doesn't matter actually.
I find myself only to be too serious and boring...
And who cares whether i've tried to do the right thing?
Because even if my friends did me wrong, they somehow managed to ignore the fact that they did me wrong and turn their back and abandoned these friendships.
I'm really in awe.
So can they do that? Without having to feel guilty that they've made their friends suffer because of their selfishness?
I know everyone's self-centered to a certain extent... But why, at the end of the day, i'm the losing end when i'm trying to do my very best for every friendships that i have?
Why, that people can accept their bad habits or attitudes but not mine?
This has been a quiet-er Christmas... and my birthday to come.
I can't deny that i'm pretty disappointed at how things have turn out because i know i've tried my best and i'm not guilty at all, but why, hasn't these people treasure me?
Why am i the only one who's still trying to sustain this friendship?
And why are the people around us willing to accept him/her letting me down but not acknowledging my efforts?
So if i can be or act whatever i want, what am i the lonely / disappointed one?
Haha. What a useless ranting entry.
But at the very least, i've Tous to look forward to tomorrow and my brand new limited edition converse shoes from Kai!
WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
*dear God will you let my life to go on more smoothly, please?*
i'm really confused.
i really don't understand sometimes.
All my life, i've tried to be the best person i can. (or at the very least i feel that i've tried)
I don't really approve people making endless fun of someone over the slightest things because someone did that to me and i seriously hate it.
I don't approve this and that.
Because i've always tried my very best to put myself into their shoes, and the end conclusion is,
i disapprove because i wouldn't want someone else to treat me the same too.
I can say that i've treated all my friends with my best sincerity.
But at the end of the day, it all doesn't matter actually.
I find myself only to be too serious and boring...
And who cares whether i've tried to do the right thing?
Because even if my friends did me wrong, they somehow managed to ignore the fact that they did me wrong and turn their back and abandoned these friendships.
I'm really in awe.
So can they do that? Without having to feel guilty that they've made their friends suffer because of their selfishness?
I know everyone's self-centered to a certain extent... But why, at the end of the day, i'm the losing end when i'm trying to do my very best for every friendships that i have?
Why, that people can accept their bad habits or attitudes but not mine?
This has been a quiet-er Christmas... and my birthday to come.
I can't deny that i'm pretty disappointed at how things have turn out because i know i've tried my best and i'm not guilty at all, but why, hasn't these people treasure me?
Why am i the only one who's still trying to sustain this friendship?
And why are the people around us willing to accept him/her letting me down but not acknowledging my efforts?
So if i can be or act whatever i want, what am i the lonely / disappointed one?
Haha. What a useless ranting entry.
But at the very least, i've Tous to look forward to tomorrow and my brand new limited edition converse shoes from Kai!
WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
*dear God will you let my life to go on more smoothly, please?*
Labels: emo
looked up to the sky at 12/23/2007 12:56:00 AM
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
OH MY GOODNESS it's the cutest MV i've ever seen in my whole life can't stop smiling to myself!!!
請快准備行李
丟掉用不到的傷心舊回憶
腦海中 相本日記
從此更新 只有彼此專署甜蜜
抱枕就丟掉 有肩膀就夠
最后用關心問候 捆綁我們的手完工
*melt*
S.H.E forever!!! WOOHOO!
AHHH so heipi!!!
OH MY GOODNESS it's the cutest MV i've ever seen in my whole life can't stop smiling to myself!!!
請快准備行李
丟掉用不到的傷心舊回憶
腦海中 相本日記
從此更新 只有彼此專署甜蜜
抱枕就丟掉 有肩膀就夠
最后用關心問候 捆綁我們的手完工
*melt*
S.H.E forever!!! WOOHOO!
Labels: haha hoho
looked up to the sky at 12/19/2007 03:21:00 PM
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Woah anyway,
it's 9 more days to XMAS
and 15 days to the end of 2007.
Time is running out and i have so many things to complete! I have to:
I'm kinda wonky lately. All the mood swings, emo-ness and lack of smile is making me dead, as well to the people around me (poor Kai, sorry). Even ants can make me so angst that i'll simply sit by my bed and do nothing except killing every ants i see.
Feeling kinda stressed and down with the many (unwanted) problems in my gonna-explode-anytime-swelling head, but heipi that this year was as bad as the few previous years actually.
Oh well, the never-ending process of loss and gain, that's what life's all about i guess.
So thank God. :)
But still, i can't stop wishing that one day, we'll recover all these loss and realise how foolish we all were once.
This year's Christmas gonna be a bit different and... less anticipating but i'm still thankful that it's not gonna be very lonely.
But i'm worried for my 21st birthday. :/ Gee.
Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer.
Grandma got run over by a reindeer.I just wanna share the lyrics because i've never seen such a sadist Xmas song! LOL!
Walking home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
but as for me and grandpa we believe.
She'd been drinking too much eggnog,
and we begged her not to go.
But she forgot her medication, and she
staggered out the door into the snow.
When we found her Christmas morning,
at the scene of the attack,
she had hoof-prints on her forehead,
and incriminating Claus marks on her back.
Woah anyway,
it's 9 more days to XMAS
and 15 days to the end of 2007.
Time is running out and i have so many things to complete! I have to:
- Start taking more pictures, before i'm totally mentally drained.
- Make time for Moo, and his new sister, Mee the supersampler!
- As well as my dear polaroid who's been lying at the side of my bed for a couple of months already. Sigh.
- Find a good makeover studio/place.
- Find a good hair dye salon.
- Find Xmas pressies for my dear family and friends.
- As well as meet up with my dear friends who i haven't see for ages. T_T
- Change my bedroom layout, and if possible give my room a new paint job. (okie i seriously doubt i can do this by this year)
I'm kinda wonky lately. All the mood swings, emo-ness and lack of smile is making me dead, as well to the people around me (poor Kai, sorry). Even ants can make me so angst that i'll simply sit by my bed and do nothing except killing every ants i see.
Feeling kinda stressed and down with the many (unwanted) problems in my gonna-explode-anytime-swelling head, but heipi that this year was as bad as the few previous years actually.
Oh well, the never-ending process of loss and gain, that's what life's all about i guess.
So thank God. :)
But still, i can't stop wishing that one day, we'll recover all these loss and realise how foolish we all were once.
This year's Christmas gonna be a bit different and... less anticipating but i'm still thankful that it's not gonna be very lonely.
But i'm worried for my 21st birthday. :/ Gee.
Labels: festival, thoughts and reflection
looked up to the sky at 12/16/2007 12:16:00 AM
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
To my dear friend,
It's really weird how things turn out. We were brought closer by someone, and later 'went apart' by the same person. And then we both went blinded and this year we found each other again.
And now we lost each other again... Or rather i lost you because i don't think you get the slightest hint of what's happening my dear friend!
I'm always here if you really have me in your heart.
You don't have to rely on outdated blog entry to try to make yourself 'involved', because all you have to do is ASK.
I don't really wanna initiate a conversation with you anymore because either 1) you wouldn't reply me anyway or 2) you would talk about the same old subject.
You don't have to tell me how you don't have time for this and that because it's obvious that i'm not your priority anymore.
In fact, don't even bother asking me what's troubling me when you don't even have the patience to reply me....
And yeah i saw what your latest featured friend, so i decided to update mine too. :)
As much as i still love you very much my dear friend, i've kinda accepted the fact that you've left, like him. So it's okie. :) All i hope is for you to stop pretending that you care when you don't.
To the people i see almost everyday:
I can't tell you how heipi i am to be in my place. It has been my strength for going on for the past three years. But you guys... Are really tiring me down, and hurting me.
I'm not sure how much longer of this i can take. Really. You could argue that it's for my own good, but you'll never understand the unnecessary damage you have done.
I truly believed, that i've given my 100% effort, and if you were to continue this, i can't do anything to prevent them too.
All i can say is, please stop already...
To Tous:
My dearest 老婆們, thank your for your listening ears, understanding and hugs, you guys are one of the few things that i can be sure of.
To Kai:
Haha the usual stuffs that i tell you everyday. :)
To 6e peeps:
It's quite sad how we drift apart. And obviously we all need to be less self-centered because we have nobody to blame but ourselves for how things have turn out. If not, feel free to feel guiltless.
To myself:
Stop eating so much again.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Stop feeling insecure because everything is a learning process.
Be more confident and believe in myself when you've tried to self-reflect.
To God:
I really crave you breezy sunshine day dear lord, please let the storms of my life be over already...
I really crave for a more peaceful life, i'm really tired of all the many stumbles...
I think i'm tired already. *yawn*
yet another neutral post.
Not sure why, but suddenly i'm in a mood of confession:
To my dear friend,
It's really weird how things turn out. We were brought closer by someone, and later 'went apart' by the same person. And then we both went blinded and this year we found each other again.
And now we lost each other again... Or rather i lost you because i don't think you get the slightest hint of what's happening my dear friend!
I'm always here if you really have me in your heart.
You don't have to rely on outdated blog entry to try to make yourself 'involved', because all you have to do is ASK.
I don't really wanna initiate a conversation with you anymore because either 1) you wouldn't reply me anyway or 2) you would talk about the same old subject.
You don't have to tell me how you don't have time for this and that because it's obvious that i'm not your priority anymore.
In fact, don't even bother asking me what's troubling me when you don't even have the patience to reply me....
And yeah i saw what your latest featured friend, so i decided to update mine too. :)
As much as i still love you very much my dear friend, i've kinda accepted the fact that you've left, like him. So it's okie. :) All i hope is for you to stop pretending that you care when you don't.
To the people i see almost everyday:
I can't tell you how heipi i am to be in my place. It has been my strength for going on for the past three years. But you guys... Are really tiring me down, and hurting me.
I'm not sure how much longer of this i can take. Really. You could argue that it's for my own good, but you'll never understand the unnecessary damage you have done.
I truly believed, that i've given my 100% effort, and if you were to continue this, i can't do anything to prevent them too.
All i can say is, please stop already...
To Tous:
My dearest 老婆們, thank your for your listening ears, understanding and hugs, you guys are one of the few things that i can be sure of.
To Kai:
Haha the usual stuffs that i tell you everyday. :)
To 6e peeps:
It's quite sad how we drift apart. And obviously we all need to be less self-centered because we have nobody to blame but ourselves for how things have turn out. If not, feel free to feel guiltless.
To myself:
Stop eating so much again.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Stop feeling insecure because everything is a learning process.
Be more confident and believe in myself when you've tried to self-reflect.
To God:
I really crave you breezy sunshine day dear lord, please let the storms of my life be over already...
I really crave for a more peaceful life, i'm really tired of all the many stumbles...
I think i'm tired already. *yawn*
Labels: thoughts and reflection
looked up to the sky at 12/12/2007 11:13:00 PM
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
So long that xmas / birthday wishlist aren't exactly on top of my to-do-list.
So long that i've stopped visiting friends' blog or talking to them.
So if you guys see me online don't hesitate to say hi okie?
But still my birthday's on XXXth of jan thank you!
haha.
I wanted to post a heipi entry because i was listening to s.h.e's new songs and they really cheer me up so badly!
s.h.e rock my world!
but suddenly itunes switched to a sadder song, which remind me of the current shits. So i think i won't really blog about anything at the moment yet....
勇气的重量 穿过树影落在我手掌 紧紧握着... 不能放.
不能放.
this is still a netural post.
It's been a long while. Too long maybe..
So long that xmas / birthday wishlist aren't exactly on top of my to-do-list.
So long that i've stopped visiting friends' blog or talking to them.
So if you guys see me online don't hesitate to say hi okie?
But still my birthday's on XXXth of jan thank you!
haha.
I wanted to post a heipi entry because i was listening to s.h.e's new songs and they really cheer me up so badly!
s.h.e rock my world!
but suddenly itunes switched to a sadder song, which remind me of the current shits. So i think i won't really blog about anything at the moment yet....
勇气的重量 穿过树影落在我手掌 紧紧握着... 不能放.
不能放.
Labels: thoughts and reflection
Au revoir
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