Thursday, May 31, 2007
Wrote a very mean and emo blog entry that involves saying "Fuck You" on everybody's profiles and publish it.
I went to Yutong's blog.
And i cam back and deleted the entry.
I just need some reminder, some grace.
Stay with me... Please.
Reminder.
I sat through the night browsing through stupid friendster and feeling all emo again.
Wrote a very mean and emo blog entry that involves saying "Fuck You" on everybody's profiles and publish it.
I went to Yutong's blog.
And i cam back and deleted the entry.
I just need some reminder, some grace.
Stay with me... Please.
Labels: emo
looked up to the sky at 5/31/2007 06:32:00 AM
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
It's been quite awhile since i last meet up with the Tous + JS and Seamus.
Just wanna say thank you for cheering and encouraging me cause you guys know me best and i love and miss you guys so so much.
Great Singapore Sales is here and i wanna buy shoeeeeess!!!
I wish i live in photos.
I have tons of photos yet to be scanned and sorted in my room. But looking at them really makes me feel so so shiok!!! My life is going on such a fast pace that i feel like a wall sometimes. A wall that doesn't need to breathe or think. But my photos (even though most of them are blurred), they really cheered me up so much that i wish i could be in it. Ahhh no time to scan ar!!!
It's been quite awhile since i last meet up with the Tous + JS and Seamus.
Just wanna say thank you for cheering and encouraging me cause you guys know me best and i love and miss you guys so so much.
Great Singapore Sales is here and i wanna buy shoeeeeess!!!
Labels: photos, thoughts and reflection
looked up to the sky at 5/30/2007 01:49:00 PM
Actually, i could be everywhere.
I'm listening to my i pod... when it played my song.
My song for that particular time.
My song that accompanied through that particular tough time.
My heart aches... really hard.
I'm contradicting myself.
I really wish that it had never happened.
But i don't want these terrible times to go... wasted.
I want to remember the lessons... the pain.
But when i look at that spot, and try to recall how i cried, and how you sat there... rejecting me, i can't really remember.
I think hard again.
And it was then i came to realise.... Why do i still want these painful memories?
I'm too afraid for the same thing to happen. But i wish i could let go... And forget.
It's been long since i said this here...
Beloved Jesus, i need to be with You.
I could be sitting at the bustop, on a bus, walking home...
Actually, i could be everywhere.
I'm listening to my i pod... when it played my song.
My song for that particular time.
My song that accompanied through that particular tough time.
My heart aches... really hard.
I'm contradicting myself.
I really wish that it had never happened.
But i don't want these terrible times to go... wasted.
I want to remember the lessons... the pain.
But when i look at that spot, and try to recall how i cried, and how you sat there... rejecting me, i can't really remember.
I think hard again.
And it was then i came to realise.... Why do i still want these painful memories?
I'm too afraid for the same thing to happen. But i wish i could let go... And forget.
It's been long since i said this here...
Beloved Jesus, i need to be with You.
Labels: thoughts and reflection
looked up to the sky at 5/30/2007 01:06:00 AM
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Maybe it's beyond words, or perhaps i just didn't want to admit.
I'm still feeling pretty much discouraged and down..
Am i really a bad worker that i don't deserve a praise?
Am i so far from standard or am i asking too much? I don't know.
I really would like to like you... And my work.
But all i feel is drained and discouraged.
I wish i would be considered... Not as a replacement, but as who i am too.
I wish to be praised.. for all those sleepless night and efforts.
I wish that you guys would understand... and stop throwing tempers on me.
I wish you guys would treat me as a friend.. and not just a some worker.
I wish you guys to be contended... Cause i'm pretty much in a worse situation than you are.
I wish you guys would support me... Cause i can hardly hold on.
Every new morning's like a new start for me.
But you never get to see the nights that i've to go through.
Hai this emo shit is draining me too.
How does it feel to be You?
I'm not very sure why i seldom blogged when i have so much to say...
Maybe it's beyond words, or perhaps i just didn't want to admit.
I'm still feeling pretty much discouraged and down..
Am i really a bad worker that i don't deserve a praise?
Am i so far from standard or am i asking too much? I don't know.
I really would like to like you... And my work.
But all i feel is drained and discouraged.
I wish i would be considered... Not as a replacement, but as who i am too.
I wish to be praised.. for all those sleepless night and efforts.
I wish that you guys would understand... and stop throwing tempers on me.
I wish you guys would treat me as a friend.. and not just a some worker.
I wish you guys to be contended... Cause i'm pretty much in a worse situation than you are.
I wish you guys would support me... Cause i can hardly hold on.
Every new morning's like a new start for me.
But you never get to see the nights that i've to go through.
Hai this emo shit is draining me too.
Labels: emo
looked up to the sky at 5/27/2007 03:01:00 PM
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Anyway, it was a really nice date on Monday, 21st of May. Even though someone was late for WOW. *glance at Kai*
The dinner was at one of my favourite ramen restaurant. Took a couple of neoprints to commemorate the special day and then we had a nice peaceful time walking around, snacking and window shopping before the the movie Blazes of Glory begin.
It was really nice. :D
But the real highlight of the day comes at 5am in the morning.
Non-stop trip to the toilet for both of us. It was draining so much of my energy that i was praying to God to make it stop.
Wake up and feeling so drain... So decided to skip school. But the toilet visits emptied most of the nice food in my stomach and i was very hungry.
So heck Kai and i ate a couple of instant noodles before heading to the doctor.
Guess what...? Doctor says we're not supposed to eat for the whole day so he prepared us for more toilet visits for the rest of the day.
Heipi 7th month dearest Kai. :/
I would have slimed down... If i hadn't make up for all the food i had emptied from my stomach. And i'm regretting already. :(
Heipi 7th month Kai!
My face's breaking out, my hair's dropping, and my eye-bags and rings are hanging like there's no tomorrow... Am i dying soon??? *hoping*
Anyway, it was a really nice date on Monday, 21st of May. Even though someone was late for WOW. *glance at Kai*
The dinner was at one of my favourite ramen restaurant. Took a couple of neoprints to commemorate the special day and then we had a nice peaceful time walking around, snacking and window shopping before the the movie Blazes of Glory begin.
It was really nice. :D
But the real highlight of the day comes at 5am in the morning.
Non-stop trip to the toilet for both of us. It was draining so much of my energy that i was praying to God to make it stop.
Wake up and feeling so drain... So decided to skip school. But the toilet visits emptied most of the nice food in my stomach and i was very hungry.
So heck Kai and i ate a couple of instant noodles before heading to the doctor.
Guess what...? Doctor says we're not supposed to eat for the whole day so he prepared us for more toilet visits for the rest of the day.
Heipi 7th month dearest Kai. :/
I would have slimed down... If i hadn't make up for all the food i had emptied from my stomach. And i'm regretting already. :(
looked up to the sky at 5/24/2007 01:39:00 AM
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Why can't we try to listen to each other and let whoever's talking finish what they wanna say?
Why are YOU so eager to snatch the limelight all the time?
Why... ?
Why can't we have a nice talk without sounding like machine guns or battle...?
That's part of the reason why i stay quiet during most of the conversations, i'm just too tired to keep snatching the 'mic' over. Do you know how bad it feels having someone to cut you off all the time or everybody turning away when you try to talk...? I mean, would you like the same treatment too?
It's really very strange, how things often turns out to be...
I'm pretty much heipi with my life, minus the school part, but i still feel v insecure...
Is it You? Or is it me?
On the bright side, i'm typing this blog entry with my brandnewblacksleeky macbook!!!
*jumps*
the sad thing is i still don't quite know how to use it. But i'll figure! :D
Here's some stuffs that i've been amusing myself with:
Hehe can't wait to explore with Tous, especially Fang Fang!
And on the brightest side, i've gotten back the film i've developed for my photo journ and i'm pretty much heipi with it. HEEEEEEE.
On the other side... I'm still awake and doing work. Hmm.
I'm just down to find, the better part of me.
Why is everybody so eager to overtake each other when we talk?
Why can't we try to listen to each other and let whoever's talking finish what they wanna say?
Why are YOU so eager to snatch the limelight all the time?
Why... ?
Why can't we have a nice talk without sounding like machine guns or battle...?
That's part of the reason why i stay quiet during most of the conversations, i'm just too tired to keep snatching the 'mic' over. Do you know how bad it feels having someone to cut you off all the time or everybody turning away when you try to talk...? I mean, would you like the same treatment too?
It's really very strange, how things often turns out to be...
I'm pretty much heipi with my life, minus the school part, but i still feel v insecure...
Is it You? Or is it me?
On the bright side, i'm typing this blog entry with my brandnewblacksleeky macbook!!!
*jumps*
the sad thing is i still don't quite know how to use it. But i'll figure! :D
Here's some stuffs that i've been amusing myself with:
Hehe can't wait to explore with Tous, especially Fang Fang!
And on the brightest side, i've gotten back the film i've developed for my photo journ and i'm pretty much heipi with it. HEEEEEEE.
On the other side... I'm still awake and doing work. Hmm.
looked up to the sky at 5/17/2007 03:09:00 AM
Monday, May 14, 2007
Not as if many people read my blog... Or really wanna know how i feel or what's going on my life.
I would have said that i blog for myself, like many others who would have given the same reply. But then again... I don't really write as i feel. I wrote them in an extremely abstract or subtle way so that nobody understand what the heck i'm talking about.
I just don't want these emo feelings and tears to go wasted without documenting all the depressing moments i have to go through.
I'm very afraid... Because my depressing and suicidal thoughts are slowing creeping back to me.
I kept questioning myself about my own worth. In the eyes of God, family, friends... And especially in school. Would you still see me as the sensitive, annoying and boring soul?
You. Can you please don't bombard me with yourself only and be nicer to me?
You. Can you be less defensive when you're talking to me and stop making me sound like i'm an idiot when i ask you stuffs? It's really very tired...
You. Can you stop whispering or walk among yourself? I really tried to catch up but i ended up looking like another loser.
You. Would you take your eyes off her and realise that i'm smiling and waving to you too?
You. Would you smile and talk to me too?
You. Do you really want to share your thoughts with me or are you just attention seeking?
YOU ALL. Would you listen to me like how i tried so hard to listen to you?
I'm so.... tired. Who am i?
Weight of the World.
Sometimes i really wonder why i blog.
Not as if many people read my blog... Or really wanna know how i feel or what's going on my life.
I would have said that i blog for myself, like many others who would have given the same reply. But then again... I don't really write as i feel. I wrote them in an extremely abstract or subtle way so that nobody understand what the heck i'm talking about.
I just don't want these emo feelings and tears to go wasted without documenting all the depressing moments i have to go through.
I'm very afraid... Because my depressing and suicidal thoughts are slowing creeping back to me.
I kept questioning myself about my own worth. In the eyes of God, family, friends... And especially in school. Would you still see me as the sensitive, annoying and boring soul?
You. Can you please don't bombard me with yourself only and be nicer to me?
You. Can you be less defensive when you're talking to me and stop making me sound like i'm an idiot when i ask you stuffs? It's really very tired...
You. Can you stop whispering or walk among yourself? I really tried to catch up but i ended up looking like another loser.
You. Would you take your eyes off her and realise that i'm smiling and waving to you too?
You. Would you smile and talk to me too?
You. Do you really want to share your thoughts with me or are you just attention seeking?
YOU ALL. Would you listen to me like how i tried so hard to listen to you?
I'm so.... tired. Who am i?
Labels: emo
looked up to the sky at 5/14/2007 09:39:00 PM
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
But... Today's the limelight on my one of my dearest and the patient people i ever had on earth:
Heipi 20th birthday my dearest May, i hope you enjoyed it, cause you guys bring my problems away. :)
Heipi Birthday MAY CHUA SI JIA!
Had a really bad day... Feel like a total punching bag and i really wanna burst. How can i even bring it up when you don't pay attention or... when i don't even feel appreciated or one of you guys? Is it me? Again?
But... Today's the limelight on my one of my dearest and the patient people i ever had on earth:
Heipi 20th birthday my dearest May, i hope you enjoyed it, cause you guys bring my problems away. :)
Labels: emo, heipi birthday
looked up to the sky at 5/08/2007 01:17:00 AM
Sunday, May 6, 2007
Attachment, school, website, broadcast, family, kai, my beloved tous and nightlife expansion *wink*, as well as my dying lappy. My source of Ups and Downs.
If i have a choice i wouldn't be a presenter. I wouldn't be doing website, something that's really out of my turf. I wouldn't present, since i'm even having difficulty expressing myself. But i really think God has his plans for me, and as much as i'm not really good in these areas, i'm really enjoying myself, even though i'm really a slow learner and usually took more time than the others. Plus minus all the un-necessary hassel that is!
I know i said this every entry but really... Beloved Father, you're my everything. :)
Heh heh let's talk about the new things in my life!!!
I've just gotten myself a 2nd hand Nikon Eos 88 into my camera collection and i'm now the proud owner of 3 cameras! Heh heh heh so heipi, even though i had a lot difficulties acquiring it due to my schedule in school and attachment. I've started shooting for photojournalism and i'm beginning to like film photography more than digital.
Well I've named my digital camera 'Mickey' and my Fisheye 'Moo' already. I want to name my dear film SLR but i can't really think of any along that line. Suggest a name if you can think of any okie? I'm actually considering re-naming all three of them and call them 'Mae Mee Moo' but i think i might get confused ar.
Heh heh heh and i'm gonna be the proud owner of a macbook soon! Heh heh heh. Though my current lappy has been here for me all while, it's seriously breaking down in all aspect and hidering my work. :/
Heh heh heh and i just cut and dyed my hair again! Blue black, once again. I seriously regretted dye my hair ash brown the last time because i just can't make the blue black colour stay at all!! I know it's bad for my hair... But i can't stand the brown! Argh sorry isabel's hair.
And heh heh heh i've been online-shopping all these while and i can't wait for my pants, and 2 bags to arrive! Not to mention the Lomo Tee shirt that i bought yesterday! Heh heh heh.
Heh heh heh and i'm soooo heipi that my beloved brother's in town for a short visit. It's been so long since i've last seen him and i really wish we could spend more time together before he return to Chiang Mai. Oh well we're off to watch SpiderMan 3 together later!
And heh heh heh after weeks the Radio Heatwave's website's finally finish (sort of)! Please go take a look okie???
And heh heh heh of cause i'm so grateful to have my dear kai, family (especially my papa), my dear Tous and night life for taking in all my colourful languages and frustrations. I love you guys so much. :)
Heh heh heh, because of you guys, and my beloved asserts (cameras i mean) and because i'm really trying not to let the unworthy bad stuffs to be the focus. :)
Gotta go get ready before annabel and my bro hafta wait for me again. Byee!
Consuming fire, fan into flame.
Woah it's been such a wild roller coaster ride for this few weeks.
Attachment, school, website, broadcast, family, kai, my beloved tous and nightlife expansion *wink*, as well as my dying lappy. My source of Ups and Downs.
If i have a choice i wouldn't be a presenter. I wouldn't be doing website, something that's really out of my turf. I wouldn't present, since i'm even having difficulty expressing myself. But i really think God has his plans for me, and as much as i'm not really good in these areas, i'm really enjoying myself, even though i'm really a slow learner and usually took more time than the others. Plus minus all the un-necessary hassel that is!
I know i said this every entry but really... Beloved Father, you're my everything. :)
Heh heh let's talk about the new things in my life!!!
I've just gotten myself a 2nd hand Nikon Eos 88 into my camera collection and i'm now the proud owner of 3 cameras! Heh heh heh so heipi, even though i had a lot difficulties acquiring it due to my schedule in school and attachment. I've started shooting for photojournalism and i'm beginning to like film photography more than digital.
Well I've named my digital camera 'Mickey' and my Fisheye 'Moo' already. I want to name my dear film SLR but i can't really think of any along that line. Suggest a name if you can think of any okie? I'm actually considering re-naming all three of them and call them 'Mae Mee Moo' but i think i might get confused ar.
Heh heh heh and i'm gonna be the proud owner of a macbook soon! Heh heh heh. Though my current lappy has been here for me all while, it's seriously breaking down in all aspect and hidering my work. :/
Heh heh heh and i just cut and dyed my hair again! Blue black, once again. I seriously regretted dye my hair ash brown the last time because i just can't make the blue black colour stay at all!! I know it's bad for my hair... But i can't stand the brown! Argh sorry isabel's hair.
And heh heh heh i've been online-shopping all these while and i can't wait for my pants, and 2 bags to arrive! Not to mention the Lomo Tee shirt that i bought yesterday! Heh heh heh.
Heh heh heh and i'm soooo heipi that my beloved brother's in town for a short visit. It's been so long since i've last seen him and i really wish we could spend more time together before he return to Chiang Mai. Oh well we're off to watch SpiderMan 3 together later!
And heh heh heh after weeks the Radio Heatwave's website's finally finish (sort of)! Please go take a look okie???
And heh heh heh of cause i'm so grateful to have my dear kai, family (especially my papa), my dear Tous and night life for taking in all my colourful languages and frustrations. I love you guys so much. :)
Heh heh heh, because of you guys, and my beloved asserts (cameras i mean) and because i'm really trying not to let the unworthy bad stuffs to be the focus. :)
Gotta go get ready before annabel and my bro hafta wait for me again. Byee!
Labels: haha hoho, thoughts and reflection
Au revoir
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