Wednesday, November 21, 2007
1 and 1/2 month to the end of the stupid custody which nobody really cares but still want to fight for. I used to hope for them to fight for it, but now i'm just too hurt of being used as a convenient excuse.
Keep shouting for your praise, no matter how tired i am...!
God let things happen for a reason, i know.
Life is good, i know.
These are just the many pebbles on my unpaved life path, i know.
Though my feet's bleeding again...
A tear for a year.
I've forgotten to add this to my previous enty:
1 and 1/2 month to the end of the stupid custody which nobody really cares but still want to fight for. I used to hope for them to fight for it, but now i'm just too hurt of being used as a convenient excuse.
Keep shouting for your praise, no matter how tired i am...!
God let things happen for a reason, i know.
Life is good, i know.
These are just the many pebbles on my unpaved life path, i know.
Though my feet's bleeding again...
Labels: emo
looked up to the sky at 11/21/2007 01:02:00 AM
Monday, November 19, 2007
I won't deny that i'm pretty disappointed and sad that after what we've been through all these years, she's still unsure.
Though i wouldn't say that i know how to love, i think i know what love is.
6 days to Kai's return from Australia (yay!),
2 weeks to May and Fang's freedom from exams,
3 weeks to Kai's 20th birthday,
6 more weeks to Christmas (double yay!)
and 1 and 1/2 months to my 21st birthday.
Time to do my birthday list again hahahahhaa. Okie no pressure lah don't stress. :)
What is love?
She asked me.
I won't deny that i'm pretty disappointed and sad that after what we've been through all these years, she's still unsure.
Though i wouldn't say that i know how to love, i think i know what love is.
1 Corinthians 13:
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
I'm not a bible nor love expert (DUH), but i think i have a much clearer idea of what love is after reading these verses.
Sometimes love isn't really that complicated... But we often forgot and lost sight of what love really should be.
6 days to Kai's return from Australia (yay!),
2 weeks to May and Fang's freedom from exams,
3 weeks to Kai's 20th birthday,
6 more weeks to Christmas (double yay!)
and 1 and 1/2 months to my 21st birthday.
Time to do my birthday list again hahahahhaa. Okie no pressure lah don't stress. :)
Labels: beloved God, thoughts and reflection
looked up to the sky at 11/19/2007 12:51:00 AM
Friday, November 9, 2007
Never felt this lost and lonely until i checked myself into the A&E department on my own. Felt like crying, especially with the sight of so many sick people and worried relatives, all unsure of what would become of their future.
My twin sister thought it was funny to take a photo of me sleeping with my mouth wide open.
1st time staying in the hospital.
1st time lying on hospital bed.
1st time on drip,
and also 1st time being bound by it.
1st time not eating anything for 1 whole day.
1st time feel that Long John Sliver is the best food ever (because Ab was eating that while all i can do is smell it)
It was nothing like i imagined it to be.
No friends or boyfriend, no sunflowers or cuddly bears with get well soon cards, no hugs and kisses...
The people whom i've spent 5 days a week with didn't really shown any concern about me being admitted to the hospital... I should have been used to it, but i can't help feeling disappointed...
I never realised how much i need my family and friends till now.
How patient and caring my Pa and Ab is.
How grateful i am to have a twin sister by my side.
Especially now that i can't contact Kai or see the Tous at all.
Nonetheless i'm really grateful to have my 6e peeps to visit me and accompanied for the afternoon. I know you guys are pretty busy with exams, NS and everything but yet you guys came. I'm touched beyond words.
God thank you.
Anyhow, i've just discharged from the hospital but the pain was still there. I'm feeling really tired and nauseous. They're going to refer me to KK hospital soon.
God, i'm really glad you answered my prayers and didn't let me spend a night of loneliness and pain. But who do these things just keep happening at the worst timing? I'm beginning to think that i'm Satan's favourite target already. :(
WHY??!?!
1st hospital stay...
Was admitted to the hospital yesterday because of suspected appendicitis...
Never felt this lost and lonely until i checked myself into the A&E department on my own. Felt like crying, especially with the sight of so many sick people and worried relatives, all unsure of what would become of their future.
My twin sister thought it was funny to take a photo of me sleeping with my mouth wide open.
1st time staying in the hospital.
1st time lying on hospital bed.
1st time on drip,
and also 1st time being bound by it.
1st time not eating anything for 1 whole day.
1st time feel that Long John Sliver is the best food ever (because Ab was eating that while all i can do is smell it)
It was nothing like i imagined it to be.
No friends or boyfriend, no sunflowers or cuddly bears with get well soon cards, no hugs and kisses...
The people whom i've spent 5 days a week with didn't really shown any concern about me being admitted to the hospital... I should have been used to it, but i can't help feeling disappointed...
I never realised how much i need my family and friends till now.
How patient and caring my Pa and Ab is.
How grateful i am to have a twin sister by my side.
Especially now that i can't contact Kai or see the Tous at all.
Nonetheless i'm really grateful to have my 6e peeps to visit me and accompanied for the afternoon. I know you guys are pretty busy with exams, NS and everything but yet you guys came. I'm touched beyond words.
God thank you.
Anyhow, i've just discharged from the hospital but the pain was still there. I'm feeling really tired and nauseous. They're going to refer me to KK hospital soon.
God, i'm really glad you answered my prayers and didn't let me spend a night of loneliness and pain. But who do these things just keep happening at the worst timing? I'm beginning to think that i'm Satan's favourite target already. :(
WHY??!?!
Labels: emo, photos, thoughts and reflection
looked up to the sky at 11/09/2007 10:12:00 PM
Monday, November 5, 2007
So i went to print more pictures of my dearest friends and cows to put at my desk.
I just wanna thank and praise you Father, though the going is getting tougher and more discouraging, for creating these wonderful friends, whose pictures can remind and provide me support whenever i'm weak.
Thank You dear Lord.
Finally scanned my fisheye pictures last weekend. Nothing fancy, just visual footprints to share and to remind myself of the wonderful things in life. :D
Moo is the new fisheye!
Kai's POP!
Isn't it cute??? :D
I really oughta stop using the multi-exposure function till i've really figure how to use it appropriately.
It was a beautiful day.
When the going gets tough, the tough F**K OFF! *choke*
Today was another one of those discouraging days in the office. Every Monday morning i'll give myself some kind of prep talk, only to find myself extremely exhausted by Friday.
So i went to print more pictures of my dearest friends and cows to put at my desk.
I just wanna thank and praise you Father, though the going is getting tougher and more discouraging, for creating these wonderful friends, whose pictures can remind and provide me support whenever i'm weak.
Thank You dear Lord.
Finally scanned my fisheye pictures last weekend. Nothing fancy, just visual footprints to share and to remind myself of the wonderful things in life. :D
Moo is the new fisheye!
Kai's POP!
Isn't it cute??? :D
I really oughta stop using the multi-exposure function till i've really figure how to use it appropriately.
It was a beautiful day.
Labels: photos, thoughts and reflection
looked up to the sky at 11/05/2007 11:01:00 PM
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Like now. I just came back from facebook after abandoning this window for hours again.
As if i have tons of friends to interact to.
I sorta made myself a promise that i wouldn't dish out all my emo-ness in my blog.
But turns out i have nothing to urge me to blog except my emo-ness.
Loser, that's what i am.
I'm not sure why am i so so negative with all the things around me when i actually quite lucky as compared to many other people on this earth.
Sometimes i feel so lonely.
But i know my friends are actually just nearby but i just didn't really want/or how to make the initiative.
Sometimes i know i'm interesting and capable.
But somehow i always present myself as the boring / stupid / quiet girl.
There's so much i wanna talk to the people around me. That i wanna try, that i wanna do! But at the end of the day i give in to my low confidence and fear of rejections.
I'm really trying to make an effort to change them, but at the same time i don't want give out the "trying too hard" vibe too.
I don't want to feel sorry for myself. I don't want others to sympathies me either.
I know i can change it. I know i can be myself in front of others. But after 20 years i'm still presenting the low self-esteem, stupid self in front of others.
I'm not sure when i'll get out of my shell. I just kept praying day and night. Prayed that Father would change all these problems.
But things just didn't get better but kinda worse. I can't help but wonder if God doesn't really like me as much as the others...Psalm 22
I just want to stay heipi being myself, and not fall into that black hole again. Can anyone teach me how?
Anyway here's some photos that has been lying around for months to lift this emo-ness away!
Ab's handphone has this special function like a neoprint machine!
Heipi 1st year. :D
Kai and his pillow and watch from me.
His funny expression... Lol.
Me and my presents from Kai.
God... I wish Kai's back already.
And it's been long while since we took photos together man, Tous... Wonder when can we do it again. :/ Miss you guys.
Can somebody teach me how to be yourself?
Everytime i hurriedly log in to blogger and attempt to compose a blog entry before letting the anger/disappointment/thoughts inside me slipped, i'll just end up staring/stoning at my computer for hours, and close the window after that.
Like now. I just came back from facebook after abandoning this window for hours again.
As if i have tons of friends to interact to.
I sorta made myself a promise that i wouldn't dish out all my emo-ness in my blog.
But turns out i have nothing to urge me to blog except my emo-ness.
Loser, that's what i am.
I'm not sure why am i so so negative with all the things around me when i actually quite lucky as compared to many other people on this earth.
Sometimes i feel so lonely.
But i know my friends are actually just nearby but i just didn't really want/or how to make the initiative.
Sometimes i know i'm interesting and capable.
But somehow i always present myself as the boring / stupid / quiet girl.
There's so much i wanna talk to the people around me. That i wanna try, that i wanna do! But at the end of the day i give in to my low confidence and fear of rejections.
I'm really trying to make an effort to change them, but at the same time i don't want give out the "trying too hard" vibe too.
I don't want to feel sorry for myself. I don't want others to sympathies me either.
I know i can change it. I know i can be myself in front of others. But after 20 years i'm still presenting the low self-esteem, stupid self in front of others.
I'm not sure when i'll get out of my shell. I just kept praying day and night. Prayed that Father would change all these problems.
But things just didn't get better but kinda worse. I can't help but wonder if God doesn't really like me as much as the others...
Psalm 22
19 But you, O LORD, be not far off; O my Strength, come quickly to help me.
I just want to stay heipi being myself, and not fall into that black hole again. Can anyone teach me how?Anyway here's some photos that has been lying around for months to lift this emo-ness away!
Ab's handphone has this special function like a neoprint machine!
I'm down there.
Me and my favourite neighbourhood cat, Nah Nah. (breast breast)
Kai looking hot. HAHAHA
Clara's 20th birthday!
Clara's hamster just won't stay still...
Like three mental patients.
I designed these two!
Heipi 1st year. :D
Kai and his pillow and watch from me.
His funny expression... Lol.
Me and my presents from Kai.
God... I wish Kai's back already.
And it's been long while since we took photos together man, Tous... Wonder when can we do it again. :/ Miss you guys.
Labels: photos, thoughts and reflection
Au revoir
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