Saturday, November 3, 2007
Like now. I just came back from facebook after abandoning this window for hours again.
As if i have tons of friends to interact to.
I sorta made myself a promise that i wouldn't dish out all my emo-ness in my blog.
But turns out i have nothing to urge me to blog except my emo-ness.
Loser, that's what i am.
I'm not sure why am i so so negative with all the things around me when i actually quite lucky as compared to many other people on this earth.
Sometimes i feel so lonely.
But i know my friends are actually just nearby but i just didn't really want/or how to make the initiative.
Sometimes i know i'm interesting and capable.
But somehow i always present myself as the boring / stupid / quiet girl.
There's so much i wanna talk to the people around me. That i wanna try, that i wanna do! But at the end of the day i give in to my low confidence and fear of rejections.
I'm really trying to make an effort to change them, but at the same time i don't want give out the "trying too hard" vibe too.
I don't want to feel sorry for myself. I don't want others to sympathies me either.
I know i can change it. I know i can be myself in front of others. But after 20 years i'm still presenting the low self-esteem, stupid self in front of others.
I'm not sure when i'll get out of my shell. I just kept praying day and night. Prayed that Father would change all these problems.
But things just didn't get better but kinda worse. I can't help but wonder if God doesn't really like me as much as the others...Psalm 22
I just want to stay heipi being myself, and not fall into that black hole again. Can anyone teach me how?
Anyway here's some photos that has been lying around for months to lift this emo-ness away!
Ab's handphone has this special function like a neoprint machine!
Heipi 1st year. :D
Kai and his pillow and watch from me.
His funny expression... Lol.
Me and my presents from Kai.
God... I wish Kai's back already.
And it's been long while since we took photos together man, Tous... Wonder when can we do it again. :/ Miss you guys.
Can somebody teach me how to be yourself?
Everytime i hurriedly log in to blogger and attempt to compose a blog entry before letting the anger/disappointment/thoughts inside me slipped, i'll just end up staring/stoning at my computer for hours, and close the window after that.
Like now. I just came back from facebook after abandoning this window for hours again.
As if i have tons of friends to interact to.
I sorta made myself a promise that i wouldn't dish out all my emo-ness in my blog.
But turns out i have nothing to urge me to blog except my emo-ness.
Loser, that's what i am.
I'm not sure why am i so so negative with all the things around me when i actually quite lucky as compared to many other people on this earth.
Sometimes i feel so lonely.
But i know my friends are actually just nearby but i just didn't really want/or how to make the initiative.
Sometimes i know i'm interesting and capable.
But somehow i always present myself as the boring / stupid / quiet girl.
There's so much i wanna talk to the people around me. That i wanna try, that i wanna do! But at the end of the day i give in to my low confidence and fear of rejections.
I'm really trying to make an effort to change them, but at the same time i don't want give out the "trying too hard" vibe too.
I don't want to feel sorry for myself. I don't want others to sympathies me either.
I know i can change it. I know i can be myself in front of others. But after 20 years i'm still presenting the low self-esteem, stupid self in front of others.
I'm not sure when i'll get out of my shell. I just kept praying day and night. Prayed that Father would change all these problems.
But things just didn't get better but kinda worse. I can't help but wonder if God doesn't really like me as much as the others...
Psalm 22
19 But you, O LORD, be not far off; O my Strength, come quickly to help me.
I just want to stay heipi being myself, and not fall into that black hole again. Can anyone teach me how?Anyway here's some photos that has been lying around for months to lift this emo-ness away!
Ab's handphone has this special function like a neoprint machine!
I'm down there.
Me and my favourite neighbourhood cat, Nah Nah. (breast breast)
Kai looking hot. HAHAHA
Clara's 20th birthday!
Clara's hamster just won't stay still...
Like three mental patients.
I designed these two!
Heipi 1st year. :D
Kai and his pillow and watch from me.
His funny expression... Lol.
Me and my presents from Kai.
God... I wish Kai's back already.
And it's been long while since we took photos together man, Tous... Wonder when can we do it again. :/ Miss you guys.
Labels: photos, thoughts and reflection
Au revoir
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