Monday, January 15, 2007

Regrets

Something that i keep commiting, but can't or don't have enough determination to do something about it.
Something that keeps bothering me and making me depressed, but still, i commit it every day.

I regret about eating that prata when i promised to stay away from suppers.
I regret not sleeping early which leds to me waking up late and sometimes skipping school.
I regret not putting in my best for work when i know how far behind i am as from others and my goals.
I regret not knowing what i exactly know what makes up of me.

I know you might be disappointed of me, perhaps that's why you are keeping a distance away from me.
I know it seems abit ridiculous, but almost 3 years in masscom, i'm still not very sure where do i excel in. I tell others and myself that my passion lies in music and photography, but really, who am i kidding? I'm such an amateur as compared to the other genius in masscomm. The more i look at my photos and achievement along this 3 years, the more i think i'm a joke man. I'm no arty farty, neither am i creative. I'm not sharp, nor i clever nor am i sociable. I think i'm not even street smart man. I'm just so unmotivated and i really wish there was something i could do about it.

Sorry for this extremely emo post man. At the end of this 3 years i really can't see that direction that i once see so clearly. I really thank God so many times for the wonderful people that he has surrounded me in... But i'm just so depressed and disappointed with myself and i kinda know that the people i love are feeling the same too.

If time allows,
i want to go back in time.
i want to commit myself to church and a cca.
i want to devote myself earlier into my passions.

But it has come and go, not even turning back to wave.

I just wish for God's holy spirit to guide me through my wandering heart and be a true woman of his.

amen.

Labels: thoughts and reflection